Boredom
by tquinn
Summary: Terrorists have been quiet lately and our invisible duo are feeling the effects of too much downtime. Originally published 2001.


**Boredom: Stage 1  
**  
Darien yawned. He looked at the clock and noted that he was going to be late to work half an hour ago. Just then, the phone rang.

"Gahfurgle?"

"Darien, this is Eberts-"

"Eberts? What the heck are you doing calling me this early in the morning?"

Eberts paused. "It's 9:30."

"Like I said-"

"You're late to work. You were supposed to report in already."

"Eberts, is there anything going on today?"

"Well, there is a stack of paperwork that needs to be filled out for the new tax season-"

"I mean real work-"

Eberts bristled. "You are to report to the Agency every weekday at 9:00 am. No exceptions. If you are not here in one hour, we'll send a team to retrieve you." With that, Eberts hung up.

Darien groaned. There hadn't been anything going on in more than a week. Where were the terrorists? Spring break in Key West?

-

An hour and fifteen minutes later (purposely done to make Eberts mad), Darien strolled into the Agency. He nodded to the goons in the hall and ambled into the Official's office. "What's up, big guy? Any new national emergencies?"

The Official grunted without looking up. "You're late."

"Yeah, I just wasn't feeling motivated to get out of bed today. I think a good round of butt-kicking will do wonders for my motivation, don't you think?"

The Official laughed. Bad sign. "You're in luck. Eberts needs you to kick butt on some tax forms. Get on it. Now."

Darien groaned and plotted the Official's demise. Maybe something with that stupid tie of his.  
"Oh, and since you were late, you have to stay after hours to make up lost time."

Darien dropped the tie idea and focused on a slow, painful demise with a stapler as he sulked out of the room, followed by a triumphant Eberts.

-

Three hours later, Darien was eating lunch with Hobbes at a random deli.

"Doing anything tonight?" Hobbes inquired.

"Apparently I'm helping Eberts with paperwork."

Hobbes scoffed. "Ditch 's a big boy. He can handle it himself. Let's go to a movie."

"Sure. Have anything in mind?"

"There's that new martial arts-kung fu-ninja movie playing downtown."

Darien pondered. Normally he'd go for something a little more cerebral, but watching badly dubbed ninjas beat the crap out of each other sounded fun. "Sure."

Darien and Hobbes finished their sandwiches in silence and crawled back to the Agency.

**Boredom: Stage 2**

*knock knock*

"It's open!"

Hobbes poked his head into Darien's apartment. "What'cha doing?"

"Reading."

Hobbes paused. "Mind if I join you?"

"Mi casa."

Hobbes walked into Darien's living room, noting the piles of books everywhere. "Gee, Fawkes. What did you do? Rob a library?"

Darien looked up. "Trying to keep my mind occupied. Catching up on the classics."

Hobbes picked up a copy of 'X-Men 2099' from a large stack of comic books and grinned. "So I see."

"I've already finished the books. Been years since I read any comics. Thought I'd catch up." Darien flipped a page of another comic.

Hobbes laughed. "You have a lot of reading ahead of you my friend. What's the one you're reading now?"

"Hrm...'V For Vendetta.' Pretty deep."

"Heh. Give me Spiderman any day." Hobbes reached for a stack of Spiderman comics and plunged into the magical world of Marvel.

**Boredom: Stage 3**

Darien stared at the ceiling. If he squinted his eyes just right, he could see shapes in the plaster. And when he spun in his chair, the shapes moved. Darien snickered to himself as a bunny hopped from side to side.

"That is the saddest thing I've ever seen, Fawkes." Bobby Hobbes snerked. "Just because we haven't gotten any action lately doesn't mean you should let your mind go. Do what Bobby Hobbes does. Explore. Learn. Think. Use your mind."

Darien swiveled around in his chair to face Hobbes. "Playing solitaire on the ages 7 and under setting isn't using your mind. Besides, you should check this out. I thought I saw the Official's head in the corner."

Hobbes sighed and followed Darien's gaze towards the ceiling. "Well, I'll be - Hey! There's the Keep!"

Darien and Hobbes sat for another hour, looking for familiar faces. Just when they were working on villains, Claire entered.

"What in the world are you two doing?"

Hobbes grinned. "Just exercisin' our minds, Keep. Lettin the creative juices flow."

"Oh dear lord," Claire rolled her eyes. "The last thing the world needs is your creativity on a rampage."

Darien flashed his most charming smile. "Aw, come on Claire. Relax a bit. Enjoy the dead time. Besides, I think I saw Pavlov by the light fixture."

Claire gave Darien her best 'i'm-not-falling-for-that-trick' look.

"Hey, Invisiboy is right! What's he doing? Eating a stick?"

"Nah. That would be one of Claire's Keeper Treats."

"Keeper Treats?"

"Alright! That's enough you two! Besides...it's his favorite chew toy." Without realizing it, Claire had been pulled into their world.

**Boredom: Stage 4**

"AAARRRGGGHHH!"

The entire room looked up.

"Something wrong, Darien?" the Keeper asked.

Darien sighed. "I just needed to break the monotony."

"A-ha."

Eberts glared at Darien and continued with his PowerPoint presentation. "As indicated *before* Darien's little outburst, we can increase our budget simply by having employees-"

Darien inwardly beat his head against the table. He noticed that even the Official was asleep. Wondering just how far he could shove that PowerPoint nightmare down Ebert's throat, Darien caught a glimpse of someone peeking in the door. Darien started. "Arnaud?..."

The figure bolted.

Darien rushed out of the room and made chase. The startled other occupants of the room, including a very irritated Eberts, followed.

Darien, just behind the fleeing Arnaud, chased him through the Agency out onto the street. Making sure no one was looking, Darien quicksilvered and cut through an alleyway. He arrived at the other end just in time to see Arnaud hop into a van and speed off.

"CRAP!"

Darien turned around and started walking back towards the Agency. Halfway there he was greeted by a heavily panting Hobbes.

"F-Fawkes, pal. What has gotten into you?"

"Hobbes, I saw Arnaud. In the Agency."

"Arnaud? Here? Why would he be so stupid?"

"Good question. He took off in a van before I could catch him."

"Let's go hunt him down!"

-

Four hours later, Darien and Hobbes had tracked the van, and hopefully Arnaud, to an abandoned warehouse just outside of town. They had backup staked out on the rooftops and Darien was transparent.

"Fawkes, wherever you are, buddy, on the count of three...one..."

"Two." Darien whispered.

Hobbes jumped. "Cut it out! I do the counting, you do the invisible-ing."

"One," Hobbes paused. "Two...three!"

Hobbes and Darien burst into the warehouse.

It was empty. Well, not quite, Darien thought. There was a figure sitting in the middle of the floor. Darien tiptoed up behind it.

"I see you came."

Darien froze.

"Don't bother hiding it Fawkes. You came for me. You know what I want."

Suddenly, a net dropped down on Darien. Darien struggled to get out. "How did-"

"I know you were there? You're too overconfident when you're invisible. I could hear you sneaking up on me a mile away."

Meanwhile, still in the doorway, Hobbes was wondering how to free Fawkes without the both of them getting zapped. He picked up the radio. "A little help here?"

"Call off your dogs, Hobbes." Arnaud laughed maniacally. "Or Fawkesy gets it." Arnaud pressed some hidden control and the net came to life with electricity, giving Darien a reason to keep the toaster out of the bathtub.

"Cut it out you geeky...doodlebrain!"

Arnaud stopped in surprise. "'Doodlebrain'? Surely you can come up with something better than that?"

"Drop the control! NOW!" Hobbes aimed his gun at Arnaud's head.

"If you insist." Arnaud dropped the control.

Hobbes raced forward and pulled the net off of Darien. The two of them faced Arnaud.

Darien stared. "Wait a minute. You're not Arnaud? What's going on here?"

"Honest. I am."

"I'm pretty sure I remember what that Swiss Slimeball looks like. What's going on?"

"Ask the Official." The fake Arnaud swooped around and jumped through a trapdoor before the partners could react.

Hobbes poked the net. "That was odd."

-

Forty minutes later, Darien and Hobbes were in the Official's office, demanding answers.  
Darien leaned threateningly over the Official's desk. "Spill it."

The Official grinned. "You two were driving me nuts. Constantly whining about having nothing to do. So I gave you something to do. You had fun. You weren't bored for a day. And most importantly, you weren't annoying me."

Darien and Hobbes stared. "But-"

"Ah ah! Dismissed!" The Official waved them out and went back to work, pointedly ignoring the pair.

They both shuffled out of the office and stood in the hallway, still stunned.

Hobbes pondered for a bit. "Wanna go catch a movie?"

"What's playing?"

"Some kickboxer thing."

"Sounds fun."


End file.
